So elated was he with his growing virtue,
that... So elated was he with his growing virtue,
that he called for a second bottle, and as the port heated his blood his
fingers tingled for action A third bottle proved beyond dispute that only
the craven were idle; `and why,' he exclaimed, generous with wine,
`should the most industrious ruffler of England condescend to inaction?'
Instantly he summoned the ostler, screaming for his horse, and before
Redburn he had emptied four pockets, and had exchanged his own tired
jade for a fresh and willing beast Still exultant in his contempt of
cowardice, he faced the Warrington stage, and made off with his plunder at
a drunken gallop Arrived at Dunstable, he was so befogged with liquor
and pride, that he entered the `Bull Inn,' the goal of the very coach he had
just encountered He had scarce called for a quartern of brandy when the
robbed passengers thronged into the kitchen; and the fright gave him
enough sobriety to leave his glass untasted, and stagger to his horse In a
wild fury of arrogance and terror, of conflicting vice and virtue, he pressed
on to Hockcliffe, where he took refuge from the rain, and presently,
fuddled with more brandy, he fell asleep over the kitchen fire
By this time the hue and cry was raised; and as the hero lay helpless in
the corner three troopers burst into the inn, levelled their pistols at his head,
and threatened death if he put his hand to his pocket Half asleep, and
A BOOK
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wholly drunk, he made not he smallest show of resistance; he surrendered
all his money, watches, and diamonds, save a little that was sewn into his
neckcloth, and sulkily crawled up to his bed-chamber Thither the
troopers followed him, and having restored some nine pounds at his urgent
demand, they watched his heavy slumbers For all his brandy Simms
slept but uneasily, and awoke in the night sick with the remorse which is
bred of ruined plans and a splitting head He got up wearily, and sat over
the fire `a good deal chagrined,' to quote his own simple phrase, at his
miserable capture Escape seemed hopeless indeed; there crouched the
vigilant troopers, scowling on their prey A thousand plans chased each
other through the hero's fuddled brain, and at last he resolved to tempt the
cupidity of his guardians, and to make himself master of their fire-arms
There were still left him a couple of seals, one gold, the other silver, and
watching his opportunity, Simms flung them with a flourish in the fire It
fell out as he expected; the hungry troopers made a dash to save the
trinkets; the prisoner seized a brace of pistols and leapt to the door But,
alas, the pistols missed fire, Harry was immediately overpowered, and on
the morrow was carried, sick and sorry, before the Justice From
Dunstable he travelled his last journey to Newgate, and, being condemned
at the Old Bailey, he was hanged till he was dead, and his body thereafter
was carried for dissection to a surgeon's in that same Covent
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where he first deserted his hackney cab for the pleasures of the town
`Gentleman Harry' was neither a brilliant thief nor a courteous
highwayman There was no touch of the grand manner even in his
prettiest achievement His predecessors had made a pistol and a vizard
an overwhelming terror, and he did but profit by their tradition when he
bade the cowed traveller stand and deliver His profession, as he
practised it, neither demanded skill nor incurred danger Though he
threatened death at every encounter, you never hear that he pulled a trigger
throughout his career If his opponent jeered and rode off, he rode off
with a whole skin and a full pocket Once even this renowned adventurer
accepted the cut of a riding-whip across his face, nor made any attempt to
avenge the insult But his manifold shortcomings were no hindrance to
his success Wherever he went, between London and York, he stopped
A BOOK OF SCOUNDRELS
coaches and levied his tax A threatening voice, an arched eyebrow, an
arrogant method of fingering an unloaded pistol, conspired with the craven,
indolent habit of the time to make his every journey a procession of
triumph He was capable of performing all such feats as the age required
of him But you miss the spirit, the bravery, the urbanity, and the wit,
which made the adventurer of the seventeenth century a figure of romance
One point only of the great tradition did Harry Simms
prada clutch remember He
was never unwilling to restore a trinket made precious by sentiment
Once when he took a gold ring from a gentleman's finger a gentlewoman
burst into tears, exclaiming, `There goes your father's ring' Whereupon
Simms threw all his booty into a hat, saying, `For God's sake, take that or
anything else you please' In all other respects he was a bully, with the
hesitancy of a coward, rather than the proper rival of Hind or Duval
Apart from the exercise of his trade, he was a very Mohock for brutality
He would ill-treat his victims, whenever their drunkenness permitted the
freedom, and he had no better gifts for the women who were kind to him
than cruelty and neglect One of his many imprisonments was the result
of a monstrous ferocity `Unluckily in a quarrel,' he tells you gravely, `I
ran a crab-stick into a woman's eye'; and well did he deserve his sojourn in
the New Prison At another time he rewarded the keeper of a coffee-
house, who supported him for six months, by stealing her watch; and,
when she grumbled at his insolence, he reflected, with a chuckle, that she
could more easily bear the loss of her watch than the loss of her lover
Even in his gaiety there was an unpleasant spice of greed and truculence
Once, when he was still seen in fashionable company, he went to a
masquerade, dressed in a rich Spanish habit, lent him by a Captain in the
Guards, and he made so fine a show that he captivated a young and
beautiful Cyprian, whom, when she would have treated him with
generosity, he did
chanel logo earrings but reward with the loss of all her jewels
Moreover, he had so small a regard for his craft, that he would spoil
his effects by drink or debauchery; and, though a highwayman, he cared so
little for style, that he would as lief trick a drunken gamester as face his
man on Bagshot Heath or beneath the shade of Epping Forest You
admire not his success, because, like the success of the popular politician,
A BOOK OF SCOUNDRELS
it depended rather upon his dupes than upon his merit You approve not
his raffish exploits in the hells of Covent Garden or Drury Lane But you
cannot withhold respect from his consistent dandyism, and you are
grateful for the record that, engaged in a mean enterprise, he was dressed
`in a green velvet frock and a short lac'd waistcoat' Above all, his
picturesque capture at Hockcliffe atones for much stupidity The
resolution, wavering at the wine glass, the last drunken ride from St
Albans--these are inventions in experience, which should make Simms
immortal And when he sits `by the fireside a good deal chagrined,' he
recalls the arrest of a far greater man--even of Cartouche, who was
surprised by the soldiers at his bedside stitching a torn pair of breeches
His autobiography, wherein `he relates the truth as a dying man,' seemed
excellent in the eyes of Borrow, who loved it so well that he imagined a
sentence, ascribed it falsely to Simms, and then rewarded it with
extravagant
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